So. I don’t know about you, but sometimes romance novels make me feel incredibly unromantic or leave me wondering if I’m some sort of aberration because I find having sex all night to be exhausting and not something I’d ever like to attempt.
There seems to be a divide between what we read in fiction and what actually happens in real life. Here are a few I’ve noticed recently.
PS. Jenny has an epic post titled the same as mine, but hers involve conversations with her husband and are so worth the read.
1. When the characters make love all day (or night)
This is all well and great in a novel, but when I contemplate doing something like this in real life, it sounds exhausting. And awfully sweaty, which might be okay for a short little while (maybe), but eventually, I’d want a shower. And food. And an episode or ten of Futurama. You know, like, I need to do something else besides have sex.
And making love all night? Dude, just let me sleep.
2. When characters have a unique smell their love interest can always smell just by being close (e.g., sandalwood, male musk, flowers)
I have a thing about the word musk. I don’t like it. Guys, it’s basically a name that means TESTICLE in Sanskrit, if you believe Wikipedia, which describes it as a “penetrating odor.” Hold on, let me put some of my testicle perfume on for you to smell. Just. No.
And really, how strong does a scent have to be for you to easily smell it on someone? Unless you’re sticking your nose in their hair or skin (and that’s always a possibility, I suppose, if you get off on that and your partner’s okay with it or not paying attention), being able to smell someone is usually a sign they’ve put too much on. Or maybe they need a shower. I don’t know.
Immediately following a shower is when you get the best smells—no lie—and I have even been known to shove my feet in the boyfriend’s face and say, “Smell my feet!” right after I put essential oil and lotion on them. In my defense, they smell really good and sometimes it’s worth sharing the good stuff.
3. When the hero can bring the heroine to orgasm multiple times before penile penetration
Again, exhausting. At some point your lady parts are going to get tired and your stud is going to need to be taken care of, except you’re going to be so fuck-drunk you’ll barely be able to summon the energy to wave your hand and say, “You’re on your own, big guy.”
Orgasms are great and all, but do the ladies really have endless liquid supplies? This is why they tell you to hydrate, isn’t it?
What are some differences between fiction and reality you’ve noticed?