So. You knew this had to happen some time, right? Here’s what I’ve learned from reading and reviewing GLA books.
• Bigfoot is a sex-crazed hairy monster who just wants the lovin’ of an unsuspecting woman.
• Penises come in sizes from half an inch to twenty-four inches. While the twenty-four incher will crush your insides, the half-incher grows into a man-eating cock. Never trust the small ones.
• Beware of vaginas. You never know when a head might pop out. Or it just eats you.
• Those innocuous looking house plants? Tentacles in disguise. None of your orifices are safe. (Don’t worry, you’ll probably enjoy it despite yourself.)
• Lesbians can turn into male werewolves with eighteen inch cocks.
• Moose from the tundra will spoil you for all other men. (But not lesbians or other monsters.)
• Sometimes spunk is so potent that instant impregnation happens. “You are now with child.”
• Goat suckin’ is not and never will be hotter than it sounds.
• Don’t go into the forest. You’ll probably get ravished by a monster.