It’s that time again — Tuesday! — which means I attempt to brighten your day with half-naked men. Read on at your own risk. Top Off Tuesdays was started by Felicia, Christi and me. It is where we (and you!) share the book covers that make us swoon. Head over to Felicia’s blog to share your Top Off Tuesday link or to see what everyone has posted.
Still trying to figure out what this has to do with mail. *cocks head* *stares*
Sven Magnusson is stuck on Earth sexually serving his queen and dealing with a culture where women don’t seem to want a man’s protection. As he struggles to understand Earth females, the queen encourages him to get laid. Of course, Thea Cooper, the only woman who appeals to him, thinks men are useful for one thing and on a one-night-only basis. Despite their clash of sexual cultures and the fury of their heated erotic encounters, can Sven find a way to convince Thea that she belongs with him on Planet Valhalla? Note: Though this book can be read as a stand alone, it is the sequel to Planet Mail. Contains menage.
-from Goodreads
Kelly @ Reading the Paranormal October 16, 2012 at 12:15 am
I’m sorry, what? I can’t stop staring at his nipple.
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 12:16 am
His nipple is very prominent, isn’t it?
Kelly @ Reading the Paranormal October 16, 2012 at 8:14 am
I came back to respond to your comment and became ensnared by the lure of the man-nipple. AGAIN! You’d think I’d learn. But, no.
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 10:16 am
I wouldn’t think that. o.O
Kelly @ Reading the Paranormal October 16, 2012 at 10:22 am
So, you think I can’t learn. UNTRUE! I went straight to the comments this time and avoided the ensnaring man-nipple. I CAN BE TAUGHT!
The downside to this is that I have nothing more to say about the cover because I can’t go up and look at it. Dangit!
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 10:23 am
When it comes to the ensnaring man nipple, why would you WANT to learn? Seriously now, Kelly. It’s the MAN NIPPLE.
Kelly @ Reading the Paranormal October 16, 2012 at 10:26 am
*thinks about that* You are SO right. Bring on the ensnaring man-nip! BRING IT!
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 10:28 am
*scrolls back up to the ensnaring man nipple for you*
Kelly @ Reading the Paranormal October 16, 2012 at 10:28 am
*is enraptured*
Felicia October 16, 2012 at 7:11 am
As he struggles to understand Earth females, the queen encourages him to get laid.
….isn’t that going to be hard if he doesn’t understand females?
His nipple pretty much stands out so maybe that is his secret weapon!
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 10:17 am
Yup. I was going to say that if Kelly is any indication, he can use his nipple to trap and ensnare women.
Jenny October 16, 2012 at 9:41 am
Secured Mail? Is he like a carrier pigeon? Is that what the strap on his arm is? I love how blunt the synopsis is – his queen encourages him to get laid. Well alrighty then, thanks for sharing:) Nothing makes you understand Earth females better than sleeping with them. Obviously. It’s how I introduce myself to all new people. “Hello, I’m Jenny, welcome to my vagina. You’re welcome.” WIN AMANDA!
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 10:19 am
A happy vagina is the key to a woman’s heart, you know.
Sam October 16, 2012 at 12:55 pm
I can’t help but stare at his nipple too. Hmmm….
I also like his lips for some reason.
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 8:19 pm
The nips and the lips. That rhymes. I like it. :)
Vanessa The Jeep Diva October 16, 2012 at 3:16 pm
I keep scrolling back up to see if I meet him this past weekend. EC’s Cavemen are reason enough to go to their convention. I did this past weekend. It was nice. All those shirtless guys! I love the man candy they put on their covers.
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 8:19 pm
o.O That sounds like a fun and naughty weekend, Vanessa.
Sarah (saz101) October 16, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Hehehehehehe! Uh, the only thing I can think of is that they meant to pit Secured Male, and he’s secured, because the leather arm band is totally HOLDING HIM BACK. it’s like, a Man Collar.
Heh, also, random: I’m at the station, and I’ve just hopped on bus,NAND there’re all these people walking around in hi-vis, fluoro yellow vests labelled ‘INSPECTOR’. I have this theory you could a vest, label it ‘PEEN INSPECTOR’ and no-one would question you…
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 8:24 pm
A Man Collar. lolololol.
And, yes. I do want a PEEN INSPECTOR vest.
Sarah (saz101) October 16, 2012 at 8:54 pm
Mmmm… I wonder if such a thing exists.
You know what does? Hi-vis vests and Sharpies? :D
…I kind of want to read this. It’s the fact that ‘contains menage’ is added like an afterthought at the end XD
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 8:56 pm
The peen inspector vest would be very helpful in my quest to learn about the human peen and relay the information to my fellow aliens.
Sarah (saz101) October 16, 2012 at 8:57 pm
This is true. The silly human males — or mails — will fall for anything.
*nods*
Could you please video tape your endeavours? :D
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 8:58 pm
*taps shoulder* “Excuse me, sir? Yes. You. Peen inspector, here. Please drop your pants.”
Sarah (saz101) October 16, 2012 at 9:00 pm
I’m sorry, sir. You’re going to have to come with me for additional screening. :P
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 9:02 pm
“Sir. I see that you appear to be quite above average in size. We may need to do a few extra examinations. Please step into my office.”
Sarah (saz101) October 16, 2012 at 9:02 pm
“We need to… investigate this swelling.”
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 9:04 pm
“I have heard of a few practices to reduce peen swelling. I would like to test them.”
Sarah (saz101) October 16, 2012 at 9:08 pm
*blinks* OK, seriously, I don’t know how to top that. You win :P
Except I’m now having visions of your office containing an Austin Powers style rotating bed and shag carpets XD
Have you considered a career in erotica?
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 9:10 pm
I have mentioned to Kelly that she and I should write some bad erotica together.
I do believe peen swelling reduction techniques would be covered.
Sarah (saz101) October 16, 2012 at 9:13 pm
It would be GOOD bad erotica :D
Also, I think it’s not generally *reduction* techniques you’re after :P
I like this idea. You may proceed. Please have bare man-chest on your cover, also. I want to see it in TOT :D
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 9:14 pm
In theory, we could have to get it to swell before we could reduce the swelling.
It’s all very scientific.
Sarah (saz101) October 16, 2012 at 9:20 pm
Oh, but I like the ones where it’s like OMGNONSTOPSEXATHONWITHGUYSWHONEVERHAVEAPROBLEMGOING5STRAIGHTROUNDSINAROW.
*reads erotica*
*looks at husband*
Why doesn’t that… *trails off*
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 9:22 pm
Well, you know that part of what makes scientific experiments valid is their ability to be replicated. That means once you find something that works, you have to do it again and again and again and again.
*laughs manically*
Sarah (saz101) October 16, 2012 at 9:45 pm
*coughspluttercough*
I’m not even joking. I just choked on my water bottle reading this.
Well… it was the water, not the bottle, but STILL. CHOKED.
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 9:50 pm
*pats you on the back*
*goes back to planning my good bad erotica about peen swelling and peen swelling reducing techniques*
Sarah (saz101) October 16, 2012 at 9:56 pm
So… uh… maybe misread that as ‘peen swilling’.
Maybe…
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 9:57 pm
Peen swilling, eh? Can you describe this for me?
Anne October 16, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Perhaps they had a typo and they meant “Secured Male”? Or is that just too obvious?
I am now imagining that conversation on the phone – “You idiot! I meant ‘Secured MALE!’ How could you spell it wrong???” “But that’s what it SAYS! ‘Secured MAIL!” What can I say? I am overly entertained by the voices in my head.
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 8:25 pm
lol! Perhaps secured mail is referenced in the book and we’ll only discover what it means if we read the book. I volunteer you, Anne.
Anne October 16, 2012 at 8:37 pm
And I, in turn, volunteer Kelly! It sounds much more like her type of book :P Also, this is apparently a sequel, and since Kelly is the speed demon, she would get to it faster.
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 8:38 pm
Oh, come on now. You don’t want to expand your horizons? ;)
Anne October 16, 2012 at 8:53 pm
I’m all for expanding horizons! But I know myself – even if I put this on my endless TBR list it would get buried under a pile of other books and I would keep putting it off and putting it off… and I would never actually read it, for all I might say I would. So I’m being realistic and delegating to someone who is not only LIKELY to read it but likely to enjoy it (at least a little).
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 8:54 pm
*raises eyebrow* Sure, sure.
Anne October 16, 2012 at 9:09 pm
*smiles innocently* What? It’s true!
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 9:10 pm
*still not believing you*
Anne October 16, 2012 at 9:19 pm
What are we not believing me about again? I’ve lost track. Considering I’m a terrible liar, though, I can assure you whatever it is, I was telling the truth :) *bats eyelashes*
Kristilyn (Reading in Winter) October 16, 2012 at 9:37 pm
Holy nipple! It’s very THERE.
I agree with Sarah — Secured MALE makes more sense.
He’s so shiny!
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 16, 2012 at 10:15 pm
He’s shiny because he’s sweaty from doing dirty, dirty things?
Christi Snow October 17, 2012 at 8:35 am
OMG, this is Colton! Exact same photo that’s on my book #2…Operation: Endeavor (also prominent on my Twitter page…hehe) smiles…
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 17, 2012 at 9:48 am
O.O You are right! I like your cover better, though. :)
Rachel October 17, 2012 at 2:16 pm
I think this is my favourite weekly feature… ever. I had something serious and valuable to contribute to the conversation… but… erm… I looked at the pic for too long and…. forgot?! *wipes drool away*
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 17, 2012 at 3:25 pm
I’m not sure anyone has ever been serious in one of these comments. Seriously funny, maybe. Or seriously off-topic. In other words, we accept and love all comments whether they contribute the conversation or not. :)
Mary @ BookSwarm October 17, 2012 at 5:34 pm
Damn fine nipple there, sir. Damn fine. I particularly like the glow of the setting sun on it and his ultra-sculpted torso. Don’t mind me while I scroll back on up… *leaves convo*
Amanda @ On a Book Bender October 17, 2012 at 5:45 pm
So glad we could help brighten your day with man nips! :)