How Not to Make Friends on Twitter

Posted 21 September, 2012 by Amanda / 48 Comments

*puts on snarky hat*
*does a little dance*

I’m on Twitter… a lot. Being on Twitter a lot means that I have time to observe trends that people who spend less time on Twitter (or who don’t care) don’t see. This allows me to develop a lot of peeves when it comes to people posting on Twitter. I see a lot of different kinds of tweets in my timeline, and there are certain ones that drive me a little more crazy than others. The following list of Twitter behaviors are ones that make me roll my eyes or make me want to unfollow people. Naturally, I wrote a snarky post about it.

 Please keep in mind that at its heart, this post is a rant. It is not an etiquette post. If you do some of these things, I’m sure I do some things that annoy you, too. Don’t take it personally.

1. Make sure your Twitter stream is full of automated tweets. People aren’t on Twitter to interact with you personally or get to know you.

2. Retweet EVERY TWEET you’re mentioned in, especially when you’re being praised or if someone mentioned you in a #FF tweet. Obviously, people following you don’t know why they’re following you, so you must remind them every chance you get.

3. Be negative and complain a lot. Misery loves company.

4. Never google or attempt to find answers to your questions on your own. Twitter is the new Google. Just ask Twitter. Twitter knows EVERYTHING and your friends are there to do the work for you.

5. Name drop every chance you get. It’s important that your followers know how popular you are.

6. Don’t respond to tweets the correct way (Twitter handle first) so that your response goes to all of your followers without any context of the conversation. It’s vital that ALL of your followers see ALL of your conversations, even if they have no idea what you’re talking about or your conversation isn’t relevant to them in any way.

7. Forget that Twitter is public. Talk about whatever and whomever you want as if you were having a private conversation. It’s not like any one of your hundreds or thousands of followers is going to see it.

8. If you want your followers to see your blog post, make sure you tweet at least two times when it’s published. Yes. This means you should have sites likes Feedburner, Networked Blogs, and Facebook all hooked up so that when you publish a post, all the different sites automatically publish a tweet within minutes of each other. To drive home the point, you should get on Twitter after all these are posted, and then post another link yourself. Because really, the more tweets you can post within five minutes of publishing your blog post, the easier it will be for people to tell that your blog post is VERY IMPORTANT and it deserves a lot of comments.

9. Your followers need to know everything you’re doing every moment of the day. You should be checking in on Foursquare wherever you go, tweeting from Get Glue whenever you watch a TV show, or posting all your reading updates to Goodreads because, quite frankly, if it’s not on Twitter, it didn’t really happen. (Note: I wrote this before the attack on Pam by a rejected writer. Be safe. Stop posting your location for everyone to see.)

10. All your tweets should include “Pls RT.” If your tweets don’t get retweeted, it means you fail at life. Additionally, your followers are too stupid to figure out what tweets should be retweeted, and this is why you need to tell them.

11. You should always reply-all to #FF tweets or other tweets you’re mentioned in along with other people. Other people LOVE when you fill up their mentions column or interactions page with thank yous to other people. And you actually get special bonus points if you continue conversing with the original tweeter so that everyone is dragged into your conversation. Because everyone loves being involved in a conversation they didn’t ask to be involved in.

Filed under: Discussion,

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48 Responses to “How Not to Make Friends on Twitter”

  1. I, no joke, just about died laughing. I love this! I SPECIFICALLY took off my “Post your FB updates to Twitter” thing just for this reason. I’m slow & didn’t realize that when I updated by blog page – it sent it to twitter. Yea – I’m that girl haha.

    • I actually keep a very close eye on the services I allow access to my Twitter account for that very reason. I like to be sure if another service (like Facebook) is going to tweet, I know exactly what is in my Twitter feed.

      (I also recently disconnected my Facebook from Twitter because it would tweet every time I posted a picture.)

  2. I do one or two of these things :) Though I try very hard not to be overly annoying there are certain things I do that I know will annoy some *shrug* what can you do? LOL

    Great Post!

  3. So much YES! Especially to RT-ing everything, or RT-ing every single post you’re mentioned in. That drives me nuts! It wasn’t until we talked that I knew I could turn OFF RTs. Best knowledge ever.

    Favouriting posts drives me nuts, too. I don’t see the reason behind favouriting every.single.tweet.

    Another way to not make friends (like I’ve said before) is to have MULTIPLE accounts and tweet the exact same thing to both accounts. Because, obviously, that’s why you have multiple accounts.

    THANK YOU FOR SHARING! This is awesome. :)

    • Sometimes I wonder if people realize that retweets only go to their followers. What’s the point of retweeting a #FF tweet to your followers when they already follow you? It seems rather pointless and redundant.

      I don’t like when people favourite (LOOK!) every single tweet, but I do enjoy it when it’s done sparingly, because then I know I said something really funny. Or stupid. Or important. Whatever.

  4. Haha. Yes. I love this. The only one that I do (I think) is number 8. I keep forgetting that I had my blog connected to Networked Blog. Lol. I have just un-syndicated it by the way. So no more annoying two minute tweets about my posts.

    Thank you for this post. :D

    • I think there are A LOT of services out there that want (or require) you to connect your Twitter account. It’s pretty easy to lose track of what is all linked up. I recently forgot that all my Facebook page pictures automatically get linked on Twitter. I was seriously embarrassed. :)

  5. Oh, how I’ve missed you.

    Granted, I rant and whine a lot on Twitter, but I like to think I have enough positivity to balance it out. :P

  6. OH, HOLY CRAP YOU”RE SO RIGHT ON THE MONEY!! I’ve stopped following a chunk of people because they RT-ed EVERY. LITTLE. MENTION. Excuze moi. Y’all are just NOT that damed popular. Oh, and you’re clogging my feed.

    Snark, snark. Love the post, chicky.

    Still, it can be fun (in that omg-look-it’s-a-car-crash kind of way) to watch the implosions and psychotic behavior that goes on…

    • I may have to do a post on retweets, too. I’ve unfollowed people for too many retweets, though I also discovered that you can now turn off retweets for specific users. Now I can follow people and not see all their retweets. Win-win.

      Generally, watching that kind of behavior on Twitter is fun for the first few minutes, then I start getting upset and annoyed and eventually walk away. I had to do that today. *glares at Twitter*

  7. This is the best thing I’ve read all day. And yes, I RT’d this post on twitter ;)

    Number 4 is my BIGGEST pet peeve! It is NOT faster to ask “twitterpedia” than to google it yourself.

    I don’t like #FF period. It’s like middle school all over again – the popular kids getting picked for FF’s. Lame.

    • *finger guns*

      #4 is one of my biggest pet peeves, too. Kelly and I have worked really hard on the Bout of Books blog so that we don’t have to answer frequently asked questions, but we still get them ALL THE TIME. It’s like people don’t want to do anything for themselves. Or that Twitter holds all the answers.

      I also agree about #FF. I stopped participating because it does seem to be a popularity contest. There is always someone left out, you know? I’d rather talk about any number of other things on Twitter (like peens or drinking wine).

  8. BAHAHAH!
    AMANDA.
    I LOVE YOU.
    PLS RT.

    I know I do this: “8. If you want your followers to see your blog post, make sure you tweet at least two times when it’s published. Yes. This means you should have sites likes Feedburner, Networked Blogs, and Facebook all hooked up so that when you publish a post, all the different sites automatically publish a tweet within minutes of each other. To drive home the point, you should get on Twitter after all these are posted, and then post another link yourself. Because really, the more tweets you can post within five minutes of publishing your blog post, the easier it will be for people to tell that your blog post is VERY IMPORTANT and it deserves a lot of comments.”

    Because I forget I have the ruddy stupid thing hooked up to Twitter ( I SO NEED TO CHANGE THIS).

  9. Yeah, I’m guilty of doing a few of these at times, but I do try not to be annoying! I did the thing where different services tweet my post, but I totally forgot I already had it going already when I started up the other haha.
    I love your PLS RT post too, so funny and I see so many people doing that! If I like the post and want to retweet it, I will, not because you give me instructions to, you know.
    Thanks for this, made my day!

    • Oh, trust me. I’ve done some of these at times, too. It happens.

      I agree about asking for retweets. It’s generally not needed because I am smart enough to know when something might need to be retweeted, you know? And I generally like to assume that everyone else is smart enough to know, too. (Though I’ve gotten in trouble before, for assuming people are smart enough… and then they’re NOT. That’s not retweet related, though.)

  10. I do remember the PLS RT fest. I think Goodreads is the only thing I have hooked up anymore, and I’m sorry but I’m keeping it! :P

    by the way, you’re AWESOME pls rt!

    • I’m on Twitter to interact with people. Automated tweets don’t allow me to do this. Now, keep in mind this is just my personal opinion, but I feel that automated tweets are more about promotion than interaction, so I ignore them. I’m a firm believer that interacting and connecting with people is a better marketing/promotion strategy than automated tweets. I find automated tweets to be impersonal and they don’t provide much context for the link (as in, why should I click through?). But that’s *my* opinion. There are people who swear by things like Triberr and Tweet Old Post and say that it increases traffic.

  11. I do 4 because it’s quicker and sometimes I’m at work when I ask these things and can’t spend half an hour googling. Technically I shouldn’t be on Twitter either but Twitter often has all the answers without having to read posts that could contain anything. :)

    Auto follow annoys me much more than anything else. And stupid replies to things from businesses/spammers.

  12. People reposting their blog links not only 5x at once, but multiple times during the day.

    People that obsessively pimp tweeting for other bloggers. I think this is cool, but if I get 20 from the same person in a row…I’m thinking not very discerning.

    I don’t get why you don’t like the nasty negative tweets. Those belong on FB. heehee

    • Oh, anytime you see a tweet that has “[post title] [google link] via @TwitterUser” it’s most likely Triberr, which is a type of automated tweet. I’m not a big fan of Triberr.

      People use Twitter as their own personal whine box. And I understand needing to whine to someone. But… I just don’t need to see everyone’s complaints all the time.

    • I don’t think having Goodreads connected to Twitter is a bad thing. It’s more about knowing what you’re sending to your Twitter account–if you spam your Twitter account with all your activity on Goodreads, that’s no good.