*puts on snarky hat*
*does a little dance*
I’m on Twitter… a lot. Being on Twitter a lot means that I have time to observe trends that people who spend less time on Twitter (or who don’t care) don’t see. This allows me to develop a lot of peeves when it comes to people posting on Twitter. I see a lot of different kinds of tweets in my timeline, and there are certain ones that drive me a little more crazy than others. The following list of Twitter behaviors are ones that make me roll my eyes or make me want to unfollow people. Naturally, I wrote a snarky post about it.
Please keep in mind that at its heart, this post is a rant. It is not an etiquette post. If you do some of these things, I’m sure I do some things that annoy you, too. Don’t take it personally.
1. Make sure your Twitter stream is full of automated tweets. People aren’t on Twitter to interact with you personally or get to know you.
2. Retweet EVERY TWEET you’re mentioned in, especially when you’re being praised or if someone mentioned you in a #FF tweet. Obviously, people following you don’t know why they’re following you, so you must remind them every chance you get.
3. Be negative and complain a lot. Misery loves company.
4. Never google or attempt to find answers to your questions on your own. Twitter is the new Google. Just ask Twitter. Twitter knows EVERYTHING and your friends are there to do the work for you.
5. Name drop every chance you get. It’s important that your followers know how popular you are.
6. Don’t respond to tweets the correct way (Twitter handle first) so that your response goes to all of your followers without any context of the conversation. It’s vital that ALL of your followers see ALL of your conversations, even if they have no idea what you’re talking about or your conversation isn’t relevant to them in any way.
7. Forget that Twitter is public. Talk about whatever and whomever you want as if you were having a private conversation. It’s not like any one of your hundreds or thousands of followers is going to see it.
8. If you want your followers to see your blog post, make sure you tweet at least two times when it’s published. Yes. This means you should have sites likes Feedburner, Networked Blogs, and Facebook all hooked up so that when you publish a post, all the different sites automatically publish a tweet within minutes of each other. To drive home the point, you should get on Twitter after all these are posted, and then post another link yourself. Because really, the more tweets you can post within five minutes of publishing your blog post, the easier it will be for people to tell that your blog post is VERY IMPORTANT and it deserves a lot of comments.
9. Your followers need to know everything you’re doing every moment of the day. You should be checking in on Foursquare wherever you go, tweeting from Get Glue whenever you watch a TV show, or posting all your reading updates to Goodreads because, quite frankly, if it’s not on Twitter, it didn’t really happen. (Note: I wrote this before the attack on Pam by a rejected writer. Be safe. Stop posting your location for everyone to see.)
10. All your tweets should include “Pls RT.” If your tweets don’t get retweeted, it means you fail at life. Additionally, your followers are too stupid to figure out what tweets should be retweeted, and this is why you need to tell them.
11. You should always reply-all to #FF tweets or other tweets you’re mentioned in along with other people. Other people LOVE when you fill up their mentions column or interactions page with thank yous to other people. And you actually get special bonus points if you continue conversing with the original tweeter so that everyone is dragged into your conversation. Because everyone loves being involved in a conversation they didn’t ask to be involved in.