Kelly Reviews: Never Slow Dance with a Zombie by E. Van Lowe

Posted 15 August, 2012 by Kelly @ Reading the Paranormal / 6 Comments

Never Slow Dance with a Zombie by E. Van Lowe
Genre: Paranormal YA
In Six Words: blink blink blink – what the hell?

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Principal Taft’s 3 Simple Rules for Surviving a Zombie Uprising:

Rule #1: While in the halls, walk slowly and wear a vacant expression on your face. Zombies won’t attack other zombies.

Rule #2:  Never travel alone.  Move in packs.  Follow the crowd.  Zombies detest blatant displays of individuality.

Rule #3:  If a zombie should attack, do not run. Instead, throw raw steak at to him.  Zombies love raw meat. This display of kindness will go a long way.

On the night of her middle school graduation, Margot Jean Johnson wrote a high school manifesto detailing her goals for what she was sure would be a most excellent high school career. She and her best friend, Sybil, would be popular and, most important, have boyfriends. Three years later, they haven’t accomplished a thing!

Then Margot and Sybil arrive at school one day to find that most of the student body has been turned into flesh-eating zombies. When kooky Principal Taft asks the girls to coexist with the zombies until the end of the semester, they realize that this is the perfect opportunity to live out their high school dreams. All they have to do is stay alive….

My Thoughts

You know when you’re reading a book and you know it’s supposed to be tongue in cheek and you try really hard to take it in that vein but it doesn’t quite happen and you’re staring in this kind of stupified trance through large portions of said book? Yeah, that happened to me. – pauses – I *know* that it’s a allegory about high school and the lengths we’ll go to the fit in and be liked but… I didn’t like the main character untilthe very end and that was very distracting.

Let’s start there, shall we? Margot was not a nice person. She’s mean. She treats her best friend terribly when Sybil is nothing but supportive (in a vacant, not-quite-there way) of all of Margot’s weirdness. Dude, I get that high school is cutthroat and vicious but Margot’s sole aim is be the “It-Girl” of Salesian High and she acts – in the beginning of the book – pretty much exactly like the girls she loves to hate. The things she said to Sybil were downright hurtful and I kept wondering why Sybil was bothering to put up with it. Then there’s the unobtainable jock that Margot is determined to have. Uhhh… okay. She really knows nothing about him, she doesn’t even know if he knows her name before he gets zombified, and yet she’s willing to risk her humanity to have him as her “boyfriend” once he is a zombie. I’m shaking my head over this, can you tell?

Meanwhile, there’s another boy. This one isn’t popular but he likes Margot. Do you guys want to know what I was thinking as I read that? WHY??? WHY DO YOU LIKE HER??? She’s a terrible person who cuts down her best friend constantly and has very few redeeming characteristics. Part of me wanted Baron (Heee… I love that name) to end up with Margot because that’s what he wanted and part of me was screaming at him to run in the other direction because Margot was not good enough for him. *le sigh*

I think my problem here was twofold. First off, I didn’t like Margot until she realized the error of her ways and starting thinking of other people but herself. Secondly, the idea behind why they thought they could get away with pretending that the zombies were just normal kids was silly bordering on ridiculous. Really, I get that this book is poking fun at high school and the hoops that we’ll jump through to be top dog but… it wasn’t for me.

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Filed under: ESR: 5, Paranormal, Review: Kelly, YA,


6 Responses to “Kelly Reviews: Never Slow Dance with a Zombie by E. Van Lowe”

  1. This isn’t even on my radar despite how much I love zombies. It just didn’t sound like it would hit my sweet spot :(

    • It was a splurge buy from my library bookstore. I think part of my problem is that tongue in cheek books don’t really do it for me. I like the idea behind poking fun at high school through a zombie invasion but they never end up being quite what I expect.

  2. Ha! #3 – Throw a steak at him. That’s hilarious!

    I looooove the cover for this one! It’s so different for a zombie book … usually they’re so gory and gross.

    Too bad the book wasn’t for you! It *sounds* super good, but I hate it when the humour is off …

    Good review!

    • The cover and the title were what caught my eye originally. The thing is, I’m not much of a humor reader. I like humor in my books, but I like unexpected humor. The type that comes out of nowhere and slams into you. This might very easily be a book that others love just because it’s so in your face.

      I don’t know.

  3. Not sure this one is at all for me. I don’t like the sound of Margot in the least, and I hate when there’s a romance and I can’t figure out what the one person sees in the other because I can’t see anything to like about them. That’s just downright frustrating. Thanks for the review Kelly!