Who Am I Stalking? [5] — Kelly @ Reading the Paranormal

Posted 6 January, 2012 by Amanda / 10 Comments

Some of you may recognize this feature from 25 Hour Books.  I was in the market for a feature to showcase the bloggers I simply can’t live without, Tara usually lets me do whatever I want if I pester her enough, and Who Am I Stalking? seemed appropriate. Win-win.  But please, no restraining orders are necessary.  I stalk with love, people.  It is a badge of honor.  Wear it with pride!

I found Kelly through Shirley, I think.  It probably had to do with the BDB challenge  the two of them had going on (which, of course, Kelly won because she is a speed reading demon and she loves her BDB boys).  Though Kelly’s extreme love for the BDB boys (and @Rehvenge_BDB in particular) can be a little scary at first, you will fast realize that this is actually just part of Kelly’s charm.  We have bonded over Bout of Books craziness, our EPIC Twitter shenanigans (consider this fair warning if you follow both of us on Twitter), the GIANT GREEN DILDO and all #GutterPass conversations, #NakedWerewolves, NaNoWriMo, and magnetic poetry.  There is a very good chance that I would not have survived the month of November without Kelly, and I am so very glad to have found her.  *huggles Kelly like whoa*

1. Describe yourself in six words.

Please don’t make me do this.

Just kidding.

Sarcastic, empassioned, foul mouthed, dirty minded.

2. What has been your most exciting moment as a book blogger?

Meeting the authors.  It continuely amazes me how approachable and genuinely nice so many authors are. Also, many of them are HILARIOUS and they have me laughing my ass off often.

The second most exciting thing? Designing my #GutterPass business cards for the blog.  Oh, good times.  Good times.

3. What is the best book(s) that you have read in the past year?  The worst?

O.O Why do you do this to me? Do you hate me? Do you want to make my brain explode?

Fine. I’ll endure the agonies of trying to sort out which book is my favorite…

This might be cheating because it’s a book I read very recently (and one you publicly challenged me to read, Amanda!) but I LOVED Dragon Bound.  That book made me ache.  I had to physically stop reading it at one point because it was so good I felt like I was going to fly apart.  It was dark, edgy, feral and utterly gorgeous.  *deep breath*

As for the worst book… Hmm…Alien Penetration by Kaitlyn O’Connor disappointed me because I think any book that has “penetration” in the title should be dirty beyond belief and that book did not live up to that expectation.  Also, Escaped by Trinity Blacio…I still have no idea what happened in that book. None.

4. Why is reading important?

Reading captures the imagination and pulls you into different worlds.  I am firmly of the belief that every book has an audience and every person has to find the type of book that tickles their fancy. If you aren’t invested in what you’re reading, you won’t enjoy it.  Plus, what’s not important about reading about hunky shapeshifters and the shenanigans they get into? #NakedWerewolves, FTW!

5. What are some of your favorite reviews (or memes, features, discussions, etc) that you have written for Reading the Paranormal?

One of my favorite reviews to write was Naughty for Christmas by Selene Noreen. Not only did I get to use the phrase “GIANT GREEN DILDO” repeatedly but the comments on that post crack me up something fierce.

The review for At Grave’s End by Jeaniene Frost makes me laugh because my OMG!WTF!FLAIL moment in the beginning is EXACTLY how I felt while reading the book.

Also, any post where I get to declare my undying and not so secret love for @Rehvenge_BDB is a winner.  That is one male that I just can’t get enough of.

6. There is an epic battle between zombies, werewolves, and vampires.  What happens and who wins?

Okay. So a Zombie, a Werewolf and a Vampire walk into a bar… Wait. That’s not right. Let me try again.

First off, I’m going to set the scene for ya’ll. It’s a dark and misty night (naturally it’s night because the Vamps don’t do well in the day – which immediately puts a check mark in the Cons column for the Vamps – Unless it’s @Rehvenge_BDB we’re talking about. He can do no wrong. Mmmm… Rehv.)… Oh, the Zombies don’t do too well if it’s damp out. Did you know that? True story. I knew a Zombie once that FELL APART in a light drizzle. I was all “WTF?” and then I walked away because Zombie bits that aren’t attached sort of turn my stomach.

Anyway. It’s dark and misty, but it’s not too dark because it’s getting close to dawn (Oh, Vamps! You’re going to GET IT if you’re not careful!) and the Zombies are kinda mushy and not holding up very well. Lo! What’s this? A legion of #NakedWerewolves strides up (FYI, Werewolves are often naked because they like fresh air on their dangly bits. True story. I knew a #NakedWerewolf once and he was always naked. I liked him.) and they give the hairy eyeball to all the cringing Vamps (not including @Rehvenge_BDB who NEVER cringes and has very nice abs) (and shoulders) (and tattoos) (I like his mohawk, too) (and he has the prettiest eyes) (but I digress) and the soggy Zombies. The Vamps look at the quickly approaching dawn (except for @Rehvenge_BDB who is safely tucked away in my bed at this point.) and decide that the manly and VERY intimidating #NakedWerewolves with their VERY intimidating naked bits are too intimidating for them. They run away. The Zombies are a little slower on the uptake because the misty, drizzly damp has made their already compromised brains even more … compromised. Don’t ask. There was compromising going on left and right. IT WAS NOT A PRETTY SIGHT!

Anyway. The Zombies eventually either disintegrated into moldy piles of flesh and bone (and stench) or shambled off to do whatever it is that Zombies do when they’re not off eating brains and wreaking havoc. Meanwhile, the manly and impressive #NakedWerewolves (who aren’t bothered by either the coming dawn or the wet) flexed their manly muscles and cavorted for a bit (as Werewolves often do). They were just the tiniest bit disappointed that the battle ended without any bloodshed (those #NakedWerewolves are bloodthirsty critters I tell you!) but they dealt with it as best they could and moved on.

In a shocking and entirely unforeseen twist, the entire legion of manly and #NakedWerewolves showed up at my house where I was cuddled up with @Rehvenge_BDB. We, quite naturally, were discussing the socioeconomic impact of… Oh, please. I was tracing his tattoos and giving him ideas for new ones while sharing body heat. At first, @Rehvenge_BDB was put out that his quiet time was interrupted by the #NakedWerewolves but he’s nothing if not flexible (don’t even get me started on just how flexible he is *wicked grin*) and he decided that the furnace-like heat the #NakedWerewolves gave off was an acceptable exchange, provided they all slept on top of the covers.

So, in the end, the #NakedWerewolves won the epic battle and I won the war.

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10 Responses to “Who Am I Stalking? [5] — Kelly @ Reading the Paranormal”

  1. Felicia the Geeky Blogger

    LOL YOU WIN!

    I loved how the #nakedwerewolves took it all :) Since I am a werewolf gal myself—I approve :)

  2. LOVE THIS POST! Kelly you are hilarious:) Your review of Naughty for Christmas is perhaps the greatest review of the greatest book ever written. I have to say, I would have expected a book with the word “penetration” in the title to have quite a bit of that very thing in all its dirtiest forms, how disappointing that that was not at all the case. Boo Alien Penetration!

  3. KELLY!!! I love how easy it is for me to get her to do things… like co-host or show me some of her magnet art. She’s a good friend, that one!

    And, I can’t believe Alien Penetration disappointed. How is that possible? No wonder a GIANT GREEN DILDO got all the attention.

    • Yes, you are tricksy like that.
      [re-enactment] You- “Since you’re co-hosting with me…” Me- “Whaaaa? Okay.” Lol!

      When I got to the end of Alien Penetration I was all… “That was a disappointing amount of penetration.”
      True story.

  4. While I’m a bit partial to vampires, I must say this was too funny for me to not side with the werewolves just this once.